How Saying No Can Change Your Life

Hey Busy Bees! I'm so excited to dive into this topic today! I made a poll over on my instagram about what you'd most like to hear about and the overwhelming vote was how to start saying no! 

Why is it so hard for so many of us to say no to things we really don't want to do?

If you're anything like me, it comes from a need to please others.

This is something I've worked on over time, and I've already begun to see the benefits. 

How can be purposeful, fulfilled and productive in the things that truly  matter if we are scattered in 10 million directions?

This idea was completely solidified in me when I read Essentialism by Greg McKeown! In the first few chapters, he talks about an essentialist mindset vs. a nonessentialist mindset. Essentialist prioritize and focus on what's truly important, and non essentialists try to do ALL the things. This diagram makes it really easy to see how we're spending our energy, and where it is going!

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Mckeown says that "only once you give yourself permission to stop trying to do it all, to stop saying yes to everyone, can you make your highest contribution towards the things that really matter."

How many times do we feel completely spread thin and feel like we're not REALLY getting anything accomplished?

The key is being in touch with your mission and your unique work in the world, and prioritizing your time. How can you cut down on the extra fluff, or the things you don't really want to says yes to?

It starts by saying no.

Greg McKeown says that there are 3 steps to say no gracefully. The steps are:

Step 1: Affirm the relationship. e.g. “It really is good to hear from you.”

Step 2: Thank the person sincerely for the opportunity. e.g. Thank you ever so much for thinking of me! It sounds like such a brilliant project. I am complimented that you thought of me.”

Step 3: Decline firmly and politely. e.g.For several reasons I need to pass on this at the moment.

Source: https://gregmckeown.com/blog/how-to-say-no-gracefully/

Remember, if you don't prioritize how you spend your time, someone else will.

Whether it's your friends, your job, your business or your volunteer work, it's so important to prioritize what's important and stand in your power to say NO to things that don't serve you. 

The truth is, we can't do it all.

When we try to do it all, we feel stressed and overwhelmed. We feel unsatisfied and frustrated.

When we do less, we feel fulfilled and productive. Less is really MORE!

The last tip I'll share is to ask yourself the following question when you are about to make a commitment. That is, "Am I choosing to, or do I have to."

Of course we all have non-negotiable things like work that we have to do, but outside of that I invite you to think about the question. Are you saying yes because you don't like confrontation or hurting people's feelings? Or is it because you really want to invest your time in it?

Time is our most precious asset, so how are you spending it? 

How will you put this idea into practice this week? Your first no might not be easy, but it will get better over time!

I know you can do it!

xo,

Danise

 

 

Compassion over Reaction

Hey busy bees!

I'm excited to share this blog post with you guys this week. I think it'll hit home for many of you, and this is something I had to plug into and practice a lot this week.

I'm going to be talking about compassion over reaction.

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It's no secret that things don't always turn out the way we expect them to. That's life. But that doesn't mean it's not frustrating.

Shit happens.

You get into a car accident on your morning commute.

Your program launch for your business doesn't take off the way you've hoped.

You're not booking as many clients or getting customers this month.

You're finances are far from perfect.

People annoy you or do something to hurt you at work.

To dive in more to the friendship side of things-

How many times are we disappointed by the way others treat us?

We say things like "I'd never do that" or "I can't believe they would think that's okay." 

That's where the idea of compassion over reaction comes into play. I shared a little behind the scenes of this over on my instagram story (@busybeecoach) and I got a lot of feedback from my followers! How can we turn off the reaction button, ie. anger, frustration, stress, expectation, etc. and choose compassion. Or choose love.

Our job is just to love people, and not to judge them.

Sometimes we are so hard on ourselves because we are guilty of judging others. So how could we not expect them to do the same to us?

Shannon Kaiser, in her book "Find Your Happy" she says, 

When we react, we block ourselves from receiving guidance and clear direction on how to move forward with grace and ease.

She says that our reactions are simply fear based thoughts, and we should reframe that way of thinking into one of compassion and love. 

It's no secret that people disappoint us. It happened to me this week. But when I found myself getting frustrated, I could literally hear Shannon Kaiser's words in my head and I thought about how I could change my perspective and come from a place of love and understanding. I thought about the other persons side, and tried not to take it personally. It wasn't easy, but I kept saying Shannon's mantra in my head and it TRULY helped me process my feelings and feel better about the situation. 

She says to ask yourself, "How can I see this situation with more love?"

Wondering how you can put this into action? Here's the mantra from Day 7 of her book, Find Your Happy:

 

I choose to see all situations with more compassion. I am responsible for my outcome and if there is a situation I don’t like, I can lessen the frustration by seeing the situation from a new perspective. I let love lead the way as I choose to perceive everything with more kindness...I no longer react to frustrating circumstances, instead, I choose to be more compassionate with myself and others.

Just, WOW! Right???

I hope you found these words powerful and helpful. I challenge you to be self-aware when you are reacting to circumstances out of your control and ask yourself the questions presented here today. How can I see this with more love?

I'm sending you lots of it!

I highly recommend Shannon's book. You can buy it on amazon here! 

Message me if you buy it so we can be accountability buddies!

xo,
Danise

To schedule your breakthrough call with me and take inspired action towards your goals, click here!

The Truth About Finding Your Tribe

Hey busy bees!

If you're anything like me, the word "tribe" is all over social media, and you're wondering why it's really taken off.

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Who's heard it?

Today I'm going to be talking about the buzz word, "tribe" and share another one of my biggest takeaways at the Ignite Your Soul Summit I attended at the end of last month.

Lori Harder, author of Find Your Bliss, talked to us about the power of female friendships and finding your tribe. If I'm being perfectly honest, I thought tribe just meant a group of friends and I didn't get what all the fuss was about.

After learning about what a tribe really is, my perspective has changed completely.

Now I'm ready to share it with you!

The first thing that jumped out at me is the fact that

we so easily write our friends off when they do something we don't like.

Who's guilty?

I am.

Lori said that so many times we just want to "check off all the boxes" and have this mindset that a friend has to have certain things.


For example, some qualities I tend to look for in a friend are women who are:

fun,

kind,

energetic,

drinks wine,

likes to read,

watches reality TV or netflix shows,

likes to travel,

has a significant other to hang out with me and Ross,

is trust-worthy,

cares about me,

shows up to events/parties/celebrations,

is an active participant in my life,

encourages me,

supportive,

driven, etc. 


The truth is, we all have these "lists" in our head of what a good friend looks like,

but no one is perfect. 

People are going to mess up and not fit in one of your boxes.

And what happens? It's easy to write people off. 

Here's the game changer. Lori said, 

No one can be everything to you.

Not your husband, not your best friend, not your awesome new co-worker.

No one.

The truth is, you have to create a tribe of women, and foster meaningful relationships.  

The key is that each woman, each friendship, offers different, positive things to your life.

Maybe you have a friend you can talk all things business with.

Maybe you have a friend who you teach with.

Maybe you have a friend with awesome style who you like to go shopping with. 

Maybe you have a friend who is well-traveled, and you like to go away with them.

Or maybe you have a childhood friend, who gets your family dynamics. 

Collect people.

Not in a bad way- What I mean is, 

Find the best parts of people and

treasure their friendship for that reason alone.

Another huge takeaway for me was that at different parts in our life,

we will lean on certain members of our tribe more than others.

The reason is that we have to borrow the beliefs of others, when we don't see it for ourselves.

For example, Lori said that when she was writing her book, she leaned on members of her tribe who had done it before her, so they could support her and cheer her on. She had other friends and family members who didn't get why she wanted to write a book, but it didn't mean she loved them any less.

At certain parts of our life, we are going to plug into women in our tribe more than others.

And that's okay.

The last thing I'll share is just that so many times, the word tribe can be intimidating because we might be at a point in our lives where we just don't have the meaningful relationships and friendships we desire. 

If that's you, know you're not alone. You have the power to call in your friendships and your tribe.

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To start:

  • make a list of qualities you'd like in friends
  • think about all the different facets of your life, and what kind of friend you'd like to support you in those areas
  • ask yourself what kind of friend you are, and how you treat the women around you
  • remember to just extend love, and eliminate any judgmental words about friends when they don't show up for you the way you want to
  • eliminate expectations and just know that everyone is doing the best they can. 
  • attend networking events, attend live events/workshops and have an open heart. Your people are coming. 

I hope you found these tips helpful! Feel free to share with a member of your tribe and thank her for all she does for you!

Check out Lori Harder's book, A Tribe Called Bliss!

xo,

Danise

 

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Choose Your Calling Over Comfort

Hey busy bees!

I am so excited to be sharing some takeaways from the Ignite Your Soul Summit weekend I attended in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. At the start of 2018, I made the goal of attending at least ONE live event, as I continue to grow and be the best coach I can be for my clients.

The event was life-changing, there are truly no words to describe the impact each speaker had on me, and the room of 200+ women I got to connect with.

The summit was two days long; We talked about all things business, money mindset, strong female relationships, forgiveness, spirituality, and our past.

More importantly, we were open and had a safe container to be our truest selves, without fear of judgement.

We laughed, we cried, we shared stories, and one of the funnest parts- we danced!

When was the last time you danced in a room full of strangers without worrying what anyone thought of you?

When was the last time you did some powerful inner work and took a giant leap outside your comfort zone?

When was the last time you invested in yourself and got “in the room” with people you admire and want to work with?

I can see the changes adding up already, because I decided to show up for myself, and for my clients.

How can I coach my clients if I’m not doing the inner-work myself?

Since the summit, I have created a more positive morning routine. I get ready, make some coffee, pack my lunch, and settle on my reading chair for some time to read and reflect before my day.

Since the summit, I went to church for the first time in probably 5+ years.

Since the summit, I’ve started making better eating choices, because I want my positive inner-work to show on the outside. I’m ready to be the best version of myself.

And because I’ve been doing the work myself, I’m ready to share some of my biggest takeaways with my tribe.

Today I’m going to be talking about attracting energy into your work.

 

Passion energy

Before we start, I’d like to ask you some questions to ponder:

  1. When it comes to your life and business, are you taking the time for yourself?

  2. How are you drawing energy into your life?

  3. Do you plug into your big vision, or goals daily?

  4. Do you have a morning or afternoon routine that keeps you motivated and lets you tap into your true needs?

If the answer is no, I’ve got you covered.

We can’t be productive or energized if we are feeling stagnant.

We cannot live a purposeful life if we are living in a cycle of fear and comfort.

As my pastor Josh Whitlow said in church on Sunday,

Your calling will cost you your comfort.

 

We need the energy and motivation to step out of our comfort zone and step into who we are meant to be.

Calling over Comfort

Here are some ways you can energize areas of your life that have been stagnant, and make the changes you’ve been craving:

1. Prioritize time for yourself and set it as non-negotiable time. Don’t let this thought overwhelm you, start small! Carve out 15-30 minutes, and remember to start small. Small changes lead to a radical difference.  Prioritize this time as a devotion to yourself and your work.

2. Decide how you want to spend this time. What do you love to do? Maybe you want to start meditating, writing, journaling, reading self-help books, or taking a long walk. Reflect on what will make your heart happy!

3. Feel energized by moving your body daily. Energy breeds more energy, so how are you getting out into the world and getting active?

4. Literally, get in the room with people who inspire you and have energy that you admire. Attend a live event, find a coach, listen to podcasts, go to a networking event or join a mastermind.  I can’t tell you how much the summit renewed my energy and motivated me to keep doing what I’m doing.   Borrow the beliefs from others that have gone before you and take steps forward! 

Energy

I'm ready to do this thing and partner with you, as you take massive action and re-energize areas of your life! The beauty of this message is that it applies to our businesses, work, marriages, friendships, anything!

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If you enjoyed this blog post, click here to download your free productivity guide, and have your most productive week ever!

As always, if you found this blog post helpful, I'd love to hear from you! 

Xo,

Danise

Be More Committed to your DREAMS than your COMFORT ZONE!

Hey Busy Bees,

This week on my instagram story I asked to hear from you. My mission is to deliver content that serves your life so I asked my followers to get in touch with me about what they'd like to see a blog post on!

We can get so in our heads and feel so alone, but chances are that if you're struggling with something, there are ten other people who are dealing with the same thing!

 

This week's blog post was inspired by a brave friend who sent me a DM! She writes:

I’m struggling to stay positive because I’m scared of failure. I recently accepted a new job...I start next Monday and I’m nervous (because) this is something new for me. Can you give any advice about staying positive and taking a risk and making a change in my life/career?

I know there are so many of us that struggle with this!!! We work so hard to make a positive change, and then when it's here the fear sets in. What I've come to learn is that our brain is literally powered to keep us safe, to keep us inside of our comfort zones.

Here are some ideas to help you change your inner dialogue and be confident as you take this inspired step towards your dreams! 

Life will only change when you become more committed to your dreams than you are to your comfort zone.
— Billy Cox

First, to be committed to your dreams, you need to know your WHY- your purpose and reason for making this career change.

What are you hoping to do? Who are you willing to serve? How will this change your life? How are you living out your purpose?

I recommend carving out some quiet time and space to journal these questions.

Your WHY will drive you through the tough days and will remind you why you chose this work. Get clear on your purpose and your goals in this new career change.

Write about what excites you about your job and why you're thankful you've been called to this new position. What have you done to get you to where you are TODAY? I'm sure it didn't come without hard work and dedication. 

From your why, I would create positive affirmations to say to yourself when you feel nervous, scared or feel negative thoughts creeping in. Some ideas are:

"Challenges are opportunities to grow and improve."

"I make a difference by showing up every day and doing my best work." 

"I am becoming a better version of myself one day at a time."

"I am worthy enough to follow my dreams and manifest my desires." 

Next, I would imagine all the BEST scenarios in your new job.

Force your brain to think differently and counter any negative thoughts with positive ones.

What opportunities will this job bring you? How will you feel at the end of each day? How are you making an impact? 

Sometimes, we spend SO MUCH TIME over-analyzing things and thinking about all the worse-case scenarios! It's time we turn it around and remind ourselves about what can go RIGHT! Michelle Obama says:

Don’t ever make decisions based on fear. Make decisions based on hope and possibility. Make decisions based on what should happen, not what shouldn’t.

Know that fears are completely normal...in fact, everyone has fears before making a big change. You are not alone in this. The thing that separates successful and fulfilled people from others is that they don't let fear win.

It's a beautiful thing to realize that your only limit is YOU! Trust the journey that's led you here and keep going! You are exactly where you need to be. 

If you're not fearful, you're not learning or growing. Would you rather stay safe inside your comfort zone and live a life less than the one you're capable of living? 

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To recap:

1. Know your WHY! 

2. Create positive affirmations and say them to yourself to counter negative thoughts!

3. Reflect on BEST-Case Scenarios! 

4. Don't let fear hold you back! Recognize them and MOVE PAST THEM! 

 

You've got this, sister!!!! 

 

If you found this post helpful, I would be so honored if you'd share it with your friends or followers! You can also follow me over on instagram at @busybeecoach to see more behind the scenes action, productivity tips and inspiration like this!

If you have something you'd like me to blog about, send me a message! I'd love to hear from you.

You can also schedule a completely free consultation HERE to see how productivity coaching can help you change your life. 

xo,

Danise 

 

 

5 Ways to be more PRODUCTIVE!

“When we stop chasing those impossible standards and surrender our fears, we become truly productive in what matters. We experience genuine fufillment; an imperfect yet intentional life, driven by a clear core purpose.”
— Lara Casey

Hey busy bees,

Thank you all so much for participating in the poll on my instagram story this weekend! My mission is really to serve you and help you make positive changes in your life, so I'm excited to share this new post with you today.

There was an overwhelming response of people who were looking to be more productive. The word productive can be intimidating sometimes. Who doesn't enjoy laying on the couch with a glass of wine, watching netflix after a long day?

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Productivity doesn't mean you have to give up all that.

It means prioritizing what's important, setting non-negotiable times to get things done, and ALSO setting aside time to relax when you're done.

Here are some tips and ways I stay productive in my business, career and personal responsibilities! Which one tip are you going to focus on?

1. PLAN your week!

So many people think that means writing things down in a planner. Guess what? I tell my clients all the time that planners don't work for most people. I use reminders in my phone about 4570468 times a day. I have a google calendar for work and just the regular iphone calendar in my phone for client coaching sessions or social activities! If there is something you'd like to get done, schedule it into your week. Just like you would a trip to see friends or a business meeting. SCHEDULE IT IN! That's the only way it'll happen peeps. 

I recommend looking at your calendar the night before, or setting aside time in the morning if you're an early bird. Think through each of the things you'd like to get done and make it happen!

2. Set NON-Negotiables (with yourself!)

If I have a client coaching session, I schedule it into my calendar and it's non-negotiable. I wouldn't skip it and not show up for my paying client, right?

You should treat time for exercise, business development or "me" time the same way. YOU are deserving of this time, and you are just as worthy as any other "important event."

I have started doing this with the gym; scheduling it into my week like I would any other activity and reminding myself that it's a non-negotiable time.

I don't even get into that argument with myself if I should or shouldn't go. It's just done!

Try it out- it works wonders. It's all about that inner dialogue people!

3. Set goals.

I can't tell you how many people/clients I work with that say they set goals at work, but don't set personal goals. AGAIN, YOU are most important. What do you want your life to look like 1, 5 or 10 years from now? Are you happy? Do you have financial goals to pay off consumer debt or buy a new car? Take a trip? Plan for a baby? Plan for retirement? Attend a conference? Get a promotion? Dream big and take the time to set goals. Write down 30, 60 and 90 day goals. Or monthly goals. Break your big goals down into smaller steps and again, plan time to accomplishing them into your week! 

4. Review your progress and hold yourself accountable.

Are you incentive driven? Many of us are. Set goals and don't forget to reward yourself! Share your goals with your significant other or friends (better yet, a coach!) Hold yourself accountable for your goals by staying consistent.

It's not enough to want something, you have to work for it!

If you're slacking, ask yourself why! It's all about your inner-dialogue and self talk.

Know that change doesn't happen overnight and it's all about those small changes you make every day that add up to the big ones.

Treat yo' self after you've achieved your goals!!! 

5. Have a rock-solid routine! 

It's so important to have a routine that gives you time to reflect on all of the things you want to do. If you want to meal plan before a busy week, you have to allocate the time. If you want to journal or begin meditating you must make it part of your routine! Whether you're a morning personal or night owl, find something that WORKS for you! There is not a one-size-fits-all! I have found that doing small things each day helps me eliminate overwhelm.

For example, I HAAATE doing laundry. I put it off forever, and then I'm completely overwhelmed, bitter and stressed out when I have to spend a day on the weekend doing it. I've realized this really sucks and isn't working for me, so I've decided to change my routine. I put in a load in the morning, throw it in the dryer when I'm making dinner then bring it up after dinner when I'm watching TV to fold! It's helped eliminate the overwhelm, and although it's easy to put off, I've realized it's much more pleasant this way! 

I could go on for days, but I want to keep this short and sweet! I'd love to hear which tip resonated the most with you and which one you'll be trying out this week! 

Thanks for reading and don't forget to subscribe for my productivity tips and inspiration. Lots of my instafriends wanted to see a blog on creating positive habits, so that's on the list next!

If you'd like some accountability and want to set up a free consultation with me, you can do that here! You can get some information on the types of services I offer here! I'd love to help. 

Have a great week! 

xo,

Danise